abigail414's diaryland diary
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Modern Love
�I don�t want to go out, I just want to stay in - get things done�
David Bowie
Last week I had dinner with Hollywood Boyfriend (HB) and planned to tell him that this was going nowhere. It was date #6 or #7 and I wasn�t going to sleep with him. That we should just be friends. Then we got to talking. And made real eye contact a few times. And he kissed me sweetly. And affectionately rubbed my back. And we had a quasi-real conversation � for two So. Calif. natives, that is. The main things we seem to have in common are that we are both decent looking, from LA, similar age, like to talk, like to watch, don't bore each other, and have a physical attraction. Our differences may be deeper and more plentiful, but for now they are background noise.
"I catch a paper boy - But things don't really change - I'm standing in the wind - But I never wave bye-bye - But I try, I try"
Well, I changed my mind and we made out in his car again (no that is not us in the photo, although it could be). On our previous date, we had a chaste lunch at a local small hotel and parted with a friendly kiss. We are both post-marriage virgins - is it so bad to want mutual gratification with someone who is fun to fool around with? Esquire magazine says that sex happens on date #3 because you need to know if you�re compatible before you spend more time with them - but for me it has felt like a bigger deal. I�ve had intense spiritual epiphanies with sex, as well as my share of boring sex, but have not had much sex outside of a love relationship since I was in my 20�s. And we're both just in 'like'. "There's no sign of life - It's just the power to charm - I'm lying in the rain - But I never wave bye-bye - But I try, I try"
So, we set up a possible overnight for Saturday night. Eat Chinese takeout, drink wine, lounge in our PJ�s, watch one of his movies, eat chocolate, and who knows. I told him I probably wouldn�t sleep over. He said he just wanted to snuggle. Right.
"Never gonna fall for - Modern love, walks beside me - Modern love, walks on by - Modern love, gets me to the church on time"
How to write about it without being X-rated? Hopefully he had no cameras in his immaculate beige & white mid-century condo with down-filled couch and comforter and soft king bed with 600+ count thread sheets and huge TVs and candles everywhere, and a splash of red tulips. (Well, HB is a movie set decorator, and he set a distinct tone). We talked, we ate, we clarified that we weren�t making any statements for monogamy. We saw about 10 minutes of �The Illusionist� and spent about 4 hours naked. Yes we�re in our 50�s, but he was on Viagra, I�m on hormone replacements, and he is a creative guy.
A reality check with Lawrence (my local gay girlfriend) and Janet (my midwestern ministerial girlfriend) confirmed that what went on with HB wasn�t so much 'kinky' as �modern love� � and I�ve had midwestern married sex for a very long time. Future plans include remote controlled sex toys in public places.
"Church on time, terrifies me - Church on time, makes me party - Church on time, puts my trust in god and man"
He really wanted me to sleep over, but I was afraid I would get no sleep at all; and if I did, I didn�t want the ultimate vulnerability of being unconscious with him. When we spooned I felt a sob well up inside � my ex and I spooned every morning. I miss the familiarity of starting each day that way, and HB is a good fitting spoon for a 6�4� guy. But, by 1 am I had reached my intimacy quotient and put my jammies back on and drove home and showered for a long time and slept with all my animals on my flannel sheets in my cluttered condo.
"God and man, no confessions - God and man, no religion - God and man, don't believe in modern love�
I made it to yoga the next day, and afterward took a three hour nap. Not only was it a physically exhausting night, but it challenged my feelings about being vulnerable, being in my body, and trusting someone I don't know very well. It is not clear if we�ll continue � he�ll be laid up from foot surgery for awhile, and although I plan to visit him, I�m fairly comfortable in this gray zone for now.
"It's not really work - It's just the power to charm - I'm still standing in the wind - But I never wave bye bye - But I try, I try.
Never gonna fall for ....."
9:32 p.m. - 2007-02-11
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