abigail414's diaryland diary
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Monday Brain Dump
On the Veterinary Front
Last week I worked five long days because the owners were on vacation. I need a vacation. I can hardly function this morning � had 8 hours sleep and went back to bed anyway. Need some sun and fun and relaxation and I think today�s 80+ degree weather will help. Maybe it is leftover grief about Lola, but I think it is just a basic bipolar depression episode.
Odd clients of the week included a mother with a baby in her arms and a couple bratty boys that started to argue so I stopped talking and stared at them until she sent them out of the room. Then she whipped out her engorged breast and started to feed the baby, who had been sleeping peacefully until smacked by her boob. At that point, I had to leave the room and go check on something. The other odd client was a man with two male cats who were peeing on his pillow - while discussing cat urinary problems I mentioned that they have very small penises that can easily get blocked. He said he was right there with them in the small penis department. I said �thank you for sharing� and moved on. Later he told me how he put his mother and father down with Atarax and morphine when they had cancer. Again, I left the room to check on something.
Interesting cases this week included seeing canine Distemper for the first time. It is often fatal, but not seen much anymore due to the efficacy of vaccines. This was an unvaccinated puppy from a shelter that had a confirmed outbreak a few weeks ago. She was a sweet lab mix with crusty eyes, nose, diarrhea, cough, and rash on the abdomen. Distemper is a virus, and we have no direct treatment except supportive care (fluids, antibiotics for secondary infection)- nor did the owner have money, so they are trying at-home care. I also had my first difficult case of canine Parvo � a new puppy that belonged to one of our receptionists. She started to get sick a week ago Sunday, and I was on call, so came in to help rather than have her go to the emergency clinic. Parvo is also a virus but only kills about 1/2 the puppies it infects, and really gave this one a hard time. She started looking like she was headed downhill midweek, so I had a chat with her about the little girl who loved her and wanted to grow up with her and how much fun they would have. Her owner brought in a stuffed animal that smelled like the little girl, and the puppy snuggled with it the rest of the week. She also got boatloads of care, including fluids/anti-emetics/antibiotics/anti-diarrheal drugs/plasma infusions/hetastarch, and a special drug that I went to get on my lunch hour from a local human hospital. Saturday morning she was standing in her cage whining for food, and it felt like a miracle. Her care would have cost over $4k retail, luckily the staff member got 75% off.
�Non-Dating� News
I've been too busy to see Hollywood Boyfriend, but we may still be dating in our head. I don�t tell him my days off in advance, and conveniently, the past 2 weeks he�s been in LA the same days I have off. Our next date will be number 5 � and unless lightening strikes and we end up in bed, I suspect we will be shifting to the �just friends� category. The chemistry thing is elusive at best - I can smell it is there, but something else is too (like another woman).
Speaking of chemistry, Daniel (Gwen's hippy veterinarian friend) and I had a 'date' last Suinday, but when I got to the restaurant I discovered that Gwen was along. I don�t want to know if she inserted herself or if he insisted she come along, but either way it was very weird and un-fun. At one point she asked �so, who are you dating now�, and suggested she and I go out to a lesbian bar to pick up women. I'm not sure what her intentions were, but they were disruptive of any chance for me to get to know Daniel. And, he was even more cynical and negative than I remembered � I was glad to know that I don�t find someone as dysfunctional as him interesting anymore. I also don�t think I�ll be socializing with Gwen any time soon.
While I was still dressed for my quick disastrous dinner with Daniel (and Gwen), I had a fascinating conversation with a handsome transplanted Brit who wanted to meet me immediately for a drink. Well, I was dressed and thought what the heck. En route, a nice Jewish doctor who is into spirituality and soulmates and sweat lodges and yoga and chanting called me. Before you get too excited, his voice did nothing for me, and his photo doesn�t either. I hung up right before walking into the bar to meet the Brit - who didn�t show. Felt very cosmo talking to 3 men in one night, even if I was now sitting alone in a bar waiting for one. After 10 minutes, I called to ask where he was, but accidentally redialed the doctor, leaving a message that if he didn�t show I�d be gone in 5 minutes. Oops. OK, maybe I'm not quite sharp enough to be cosmo. And yes, I sent an e:mail to the Brit telling him he was an "ill-bred cad", which he denied, with some kind fo excuse about time getting away from him while on the phone with his dad (ever hear of cell phones?)..
On the distant horizon is a guy from Encinitas, CA who rides rodeo horses for fun, and a beef baron from Fargo, ND who wants to take me out for a night on the town. HB is having orthopedic surgery on the 13th, and I may have my first date with Jewish doctor then. And I�m having an e:mail correspondence with a stunningly handsome man who wants a woman he can treat as a queen. Even though this looks really active, truth is I've shut down my internet profiles and am taking a break. I have a lot to do and clearly this has become a major distraction. I need to get out of this condo and into my house, then think about dating and what kind of relationship would work best.
Life Lesson
Hugh the hypnotherapist believes that if you figure out your life lesson and embrace it, you don�t have to live it anymore. It is becoming clear that mine has to do with rejection. Like how it feels, dealing with it, accepting it, doing it, or not taking it personally.
If people �reject� you, what they are saying is that you aren�t right for them. Or they don�t feel right for you. Or there is someone else who is more right. Or they just want to go home and watch TV and not make the effort. Or they have a mental illness. Or an addiction. Or you remind them of someone who treated them badly, or of themselves, or whatever. It doesn�t mean that I am defective, unlovable, ugly, fat, unworthy, unsexy, a piece of shit, destined to live and die alone, or an idiot. But those are some of my immediate responses � yes, I don�t take rejection well. On the flip side, when I reject people, is that what I am saying? Perhaps. And if I keep doing that, I am going to feel it right back at me. Aggh. I�m back to listening to my hypnotherapy tapes and writing to myself in an attempt to stop running from this. I think that�s why I prefer animals.
6:38 p.m. - 2007-02-05
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