abigail414's diaryland diary
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Notes from the Hummingbird Goddess
Today (Sunday) was my first day off in 6 days and was a lovely day of leisure. The morning was cool and I spent a couple hours sitting and looking at the mountains, the trees, the blue sky, the birds. While in the front courtyard with my morning tea, a hummingbird came by and paused right in front of my face. Their wings are very loud when less than a foot away. I had a red shirt on, so perhaps it was sizing me up � am I a big flower? Are my nostrils full of nectar? I spoke to it, and it flew off. Perhaps he will go tell the other hummingbirds about the large speaking flower, and I will become a legend or even a deity. Yes, I am laughing.
Yoga was contemplative this morning � it has become my church. Lots of long poses to fight and then relax into. And, like a good churchgoer, I went lunching afterward with another churchgoer (aka Oolala). We walked to downtown Palm Springs in our yoga garb (hers all white, mine all black, both of us wearing big hats and fancy flip flops) and had salads at an outside caf�. Today, was a comfortable 99 degrees, and a fine mist was curling like smoke from rooftops and hedges, cooling the nearby eaters and drinkers and people-watchers. For the desert, there is certainly a lot of water used around here. While we were eating, I noticed a sweaty and sunburned guy across the way, chatting on his cellphone, with smokey mist behind him � yes, he was the devil phoning home. I need to start carrying a good camera with me. After lunch, we usually stop in some totally impractical store - today�s purchase included thin, loose, white pants with a dragon on them for the hot weather, and a �free drink� shirt. I didn�t know about this kind of shirt, but I put it on and both Oola and the salesperson defined it as such � aka LOTS of skin and cleavage. Definitely not something I wore in Michigan, but the norm around here. I�m getting a little more comfortable with not wearing a lot, which is fun. Plus, the saleslady thought I was in my 20�s and almost fell over when I said I was 50. Also fun.
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On the veterinary front:
Got my (gloved) hands bloody this week. I�m volunteering to do spays and neuters for the Palm Springs animal shelter. I had a young male and young female dog - the young male was straightforward, but the female was a groping abdominal exploratory because her ovaries and uterus were not to be found � she must have been spayed very young, there were no scars . One of the medical directors was there to supervise (since I haven�t done surgery in 2 years), and he was impressed with my �light touch� and speed � complaining that the people who opted to not do surgery on live animals in vet school never develop good skills. Little did he know I was one of those (�humane-iacs� he called them) who couldn�t see the purpose in killing 9 beagles to learn something I didn�t plan to do anyway.
Yesterday I heard my assistant say, �You have a sick cat in California, Dr. -----�. The exam rooms where I work are all named after different states (Alaska, Florida, California, Montana, and Hawaii). They are decorated accordingly. It is just odd to be told to go to a certain state to see an animal. And when I�m �in California� I always think �duh� and have to laugh. If there were no sick cats in California, I wouldn�t make a living.
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Passages:
Earlier this week I found the harmonica my 2nd husband had given me years ago. Even though I never learned to play it, and it was for camping trips that were by and large stressful, seeing it made me smile and miss the part of him that found me delightful and laughed so easily. I stayed with him as long as I did for a number of reasons, including those occasional moments when I did feel loved or desired. And, I was clearing out old e:mails and saw how many funny and insightful conversations I used to have with an old girlfriend. The correspondence had dwindled to almost nothing over the past couple years, and yet in my mind we were still close. Her latest visit showed how far apart we�ve become, with an eerie similarity to my marriage. Yes, we do play out the same story with different people.
There are ravens building a nest in some ponderosa pines on the 40 acre condo grounds. I walk the dogs by them daily, huge birds with a croaking call. Ravens don�t usually live in town, but this is more like an �oasis� than a town. When I see them, I think of my old dog Raven who I still miss. I loved her beyond belief � her death was excruciatingly painful. I wrote an essay about her while she was still alive and I was in vet school, and won a $10,000 scholarship. I consider my current Nelly her �niece�, since she looks and acts similar, and came from the same humane society, but she is clearly her own dog.
Lola my other dog has gotten more eccentric (if that is possible � she has a brain tumor that causes seizures and she growls to go out and drinks gallons of water and scratches at herself and has lost a lot of hair and eats bananas and avocados if left on the counter and has thyroid problems � good thing I�m a vet). Now, the only way she will eat out of her bowl is if I add some cat food. Or, if I throw her food all over the floor - she is a scavenger, and will eat anything left out, so perhaps she thinks she is being naughty and that whets her appetite.
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Observations:
While sitting at the stoplight en route to work I took a cellphone photo of three Mercedes SUV�s in a row. Mercedes is the official car around here. And, for homeless people, the upscale portable home is a kid�s bicycle trailer. The contrasts of abject poverty and conspicuous consumption are jolting. The LA Times had a front page story about a homeless woman who lives in her car, and ads running alongside the story were for Dolce & Gabbana eyeglasses and Royal Caribbean cruises.
This week I watched the amazing Helen Mirren play Elizabeth I in the HBO series. She brought a real zest to a stereotyped character � very juicy and mesmerizing. I first saw her in a forgettable 1980�s movie, and was riveted � but also sad because you could see her aging and thought she�d be offered less parts. But, she had some work tastefully done and was open about it, saying something like �no one wants to be distracted watching a saggy person�. She looks her age (60), but a vital and healthy version and actually better than when I saw her 20 years ago.
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Brain farts:
I left work on time Saturday to get home and watch the Kentucky Derby. I�ve been a horse racing fan for years, even though I know it is marginally humane. I love the power in it, the intensity, and the sheer talent that occasionally shows up in a horse who makes it look like the other horses are out for a stroll. Saturday�s race was one of those, except that I missed it. Yep, I�m now living on Pacific Standard time and my brain was still thinking Eastern. Sigh. Well, there are 2 more races in the Triple Crown. I want to see Barbaro run. The photos look like he�s a helluva horse.
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Upcoming events:
Mother�s day is next Sunday, and I bought mom and I tickets for the Palm Springs Follies (a Vegas style show, and all the dancers are over 55). A friend gave me a tip to sit at least halfway back so you don�t see them up close until after the show. Tickets were expensive, plus I�ll be boarding mom�s dog for her visit (Sandy hates my dogs), and buying dinner - but mom�s worth it. She�s done a lot for me, and this is the first time in a long time we�ll be together on Mother�s Day.
10:16 p.m. - 2006-05-07
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