abigail414's diaryland diary
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Nifty Fifty
Sitting on my back patio at the table, palm trees blowing, haze coming in over the mountains, reflecting on being 50 years old. That�s right. I turned 50 last Friday and got my invitation to AARP that same day (no, I didn't open it). Wow. Supposedly I look a lot younger (what does 50 look like, anyway?) but I feel a lot older - I've had experiences that feel like they were lifetimes ago, lived by someone else. Some days, I still feel 14, or 27, or 35. Forty two sounds good. I may just stay that age for awhile.
My birthday started a day early, getting a lovely bouquet at work from some girlfriends in Michigan. I was arranging the flowers as they were preparing a dog for me to euthanize. It was a startling juxtaposition of life and death, but a good way to look at the 'turning of the wheel'.
On Friday, I opened a care package of gifts from another Michigan friend, and then picked up a former Michigan friend who now lives in northern CA. We spent the day getting spa treatments and hanging out - I had a mud wrap and salt scrub, both of which were uncomfortable while occuring but felt sublime afterwards. Then came yoga and the pain followed by (what feels like minutes later) the huge sigh of relief. The sunset that night had rainbow colors like in a polarized lens, possibly due to a moonrise at the same time, and black smoky clouds wisped by in animal shapes. We ended skinny dipping in the jacuzzi. The next day included climbing on boulders at Joshua Tree National Park and seeing delicate flowers (previous entry), eerie prickly plants, and a soothing oasis. It was capped off by a delicious outdoor meal of 'sand dabs' a fish I remembered from childhood. Overall, it was wonder full.
Unfortunately, my dear friend and I are not on the same emotional wavelength and the visit ended with a hugely dysfunctional but timely argument - a lot has changed since we became friends and we are re-evaluating what this friendship is and isn't. It did reaffirm to me how things can shift in a moment, depending on the color of the glass through which we choose to see the world.
Sunday was mom�s turn - we met at the Lawrence Welk theater and saw a performance of �Always, Patsy Cline�, then ate dinner with my relatives at the Black Angus restaurant. Yes, I may have been the youngest person at the theater, and the only one not eating beef at dinner, but it was a nice time � mom went out of her way to arrange both events and my neo-conservative relatives did not rant about the evils of illegal aliens. I continue to marvel that I am related to these people, but there always is evidence � eye color, lip curl, laugh. I�m learning to love and enjoy them even though I don�t understand them. They've probably been doing it towards me for years.
Today I went to yet another yoga class (yes, I'm becoming addicted) and then to lunch with my new yoga buddy. It is amazing how knowing just one person and being part of a small community (the yoga center) can help change your perspective on a place. We are both happy to find a kindred spirit to check out the area. Plus, she�s good at dressing like a girl and getting men to treat her well � things I could definately use some coaching in at this late stage of life :)
So turning 50 wasn't near as scary as I thought it would be - actually it is good. Plus, the older folks, including the 55 year old yoga teacher with an 18 year old's taut body, tell me the best is yet to come. Sounds like a plan.
6:20 p.m. - 2006-04-17
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