abigail414's diaryland diary
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Home and Family Along The Range
Last Sunday I saw some cousins (above photo) that I hadn�t seen since I was a teenager � about 30 years. They were my �cool� cousins, three unruly boys at least 5 years older than me, and unlike the rest of the family, they did what they wanted rather than what they should. I had a mild crush on the guy on the right, and in the above picture he reminds me of early photos of my last husband. He was the smart and funny and eccentric (aka geeky) one (some things don�t change, I still prefer those characteristics in a guy). He, on the other hand, remembers me hitting him with my skateboard when he came riding up on his motorcycle (some would say that hasn't changed either). They were all good-looking manly boys, beating each other up, building things, deep voices, all testosterone. Still are. Except that they now resemble my grandfather Gus, especially the youngest one (on the left) who is a grandfather himself. Much to my conservative Swedish aunts� chagrin, our loud and animated conversation dominated the luncheon table at the retirement community last Sunday.
Prior to lunch, we went to church and learned that we don�t need to bring goats to worship anymore. As a veterinarian, I was relieved. This was part of an ongoing study of �Hebrews� (a book in the bible for you heathens). The no-goats policy almost made me laugh out loud, but I�m very self-conscious in a fundamentalist Christian church because I don�t want to get �busted� as a quasibuddhistchristianpagan (even though I have the street cred of being �saved� at least four times in my youth). Jesus was/is great, but the rest of the infrastructure and arguments and wars and persecutions and witch burnings and political posturings in his name make me uncomfortable. I know I�m not alone here. I confess that I did take communion with the little dried bread pillow and tiny glass of grape juice and was not smote dead. Nor did a lightning bolt hit me as I nodded off during the sermon. (Being raised Baptist, your psyche actually thinks these things might happen.)
My 89 year old aunt LaVaughn sat next to me in church and took notes. She is so sweet and sincere and I�ve become fascinated by her now that I�m in the same time zone. She is the �lady� of the family, always impeccably groomed and wearing a skirt and pumps. We tried to see my other aunt Norma in the hospital (she had a heart attack, and was the reason her sons were visiting) but they had recently drugged her and she was not up for visitors. I�m finding the concept of �family� fairly amazing. I can drive 1� hours and see people who share genes and history with me. We may not have a lot else in common (except maybe motorcycles), but it gives me a sense of belonging that I haven�t had for quite awhile.
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I�m also having little glimpses of being �at home� here. I live at the foot of snow-capped mountains, and when the clouds come boiling over them, or I see a crescent moon rise above them it does take my breath away. I had to stop the car the other day and listen to �Hotel California� while watching a windy weather front come in. There is a lot of natural (and unnatural) beauty around here if my eyes are open. Plus, the rest of my couch arrived, so I am lounging on it and gazing at the mountains as I write this. Ahh.
Last night I watched the sport horse competition on Animal Planet, first time I've sat down and watched TV in 6 months (haven't had a TV or cable until now). Today I am off and slept in until 9 am, which totals about 10 hours of sleep - I guess I�ve been exhausted. Had some pretty odd dreams, too � took a trip with a group of people and moved all my books when I traveled. Now, that is fairly Freudian � too much baggage in my life. In the dream, my ex was pointing out to me that taking so much stuff was unhealthy (thanks, Mike). Right now I�m looking at my Bobbsey Twins and Nancy Drew books on the shelf in front of me. Perhaps there are some things I need to let go of?
I had a phone consultation with my psychic/shaman counselor in Michigan, who said that the majority of the things that are bothering me here would have bothered me even if I stayed in Michigan. Plus I would have been chafing at the gray, cold weather because I didn�t �have to� be there. As usual, she was helpful in putting things into perspective.
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On the veterinary front, I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers yesterday from clients whose dog had died. Half of their little poodle�s lungs didn�t work and we struggled mightily and long to help it � eventually they needed to be taken out by a specialty practice. It died the first day home from surgery. The clients were so thankful for how much we cared, but I think they should have been sent the bouquet instead. Our clinic does surveys of clients and I got a copy of one that said I was �excellent� and they better build a bigger building once people find out how great the doctors are here. This is the week after a client sent an angry letter. Just another example of how emotionally schizophrenic being a veterinarian can be. But I think I'm starting to love it a little. I've seen a lot of puppies since my last entry, and getting paid to get kissed by puppies is pretty nice.
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Big thanks to those encouraging me to continue this diary. I'm also on some other diaryist's 'favorite' lists, which is supportive (especially since I've lurked in the background reading their online diaries for years). I've had second thoughts about this whole online thing because it is an odd one-way communication medium and feels like it somehow precludes more direct contact with my friends. It also amazes me that a long-time dear friend doesn't read this, and yet acquaintances and people I haven't met (even in other countries)do. I figure this is a good outlet for me as long as I don't spend a huge amount of time at it. I need to get out more often, and do some more deeper private writing, so will try to update here at least weekly.
11:15 a.m. - 2006-03-09
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