abigail414's diaryland diary
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Mothers
This past weekend included HB�s birthday and Mother�s day.
The former was low key because he was coming down with something and we have a weekend planned later, but Mother�s Day was a little bizarre. I drove down to see my mom after spending the previous day and night with HB in LA. That in itself is odd because she disapproves of me fornicating without the intention to marry, and I went straight from his arms to hers. Anyway, my cell phone went dead, I didn�t have a map, and I took the wrong freeway because I usually approach her house from Palm Springs, not LA. I made it there through sheer luck and the old-fashioned way of stopping at a gas station and asking for directions.
Once there, we had a late lunch at her favorite rib place, and then a movie. For some reason, I heard that �Forgetting Sarah Marshall� was funny. So I took her. We should have walked out at the first scene where he stands there with full frontal nudity. But we stayed for almost � hour with penis references, mock sex, and unlikeable characters before I said we ought to leave. I managed to get a raincheck for �Made of Honor� later on, and we took mother/daughter photos in one of those booths. We were so shocked and aghast at the photo results that we left abruptly - she forgot her sweater and I forgot my glasses. She remembered her sweater en route to the car and I remembered my glasses once we were home. Aggh. So, we went back to the theater and found my glasses lying next to the photo booth, and saw �Made of Honor� (which is the right movie to take your mother to on Mother�s Day). She appreciated the effort to show her a good time.
This Mother�s Day, I heard from my dead grandmother. I found a treasure trove of letters she had written between 1930 and 1948. My grandmother died when I was about 10, but I have a real fondness for her. And we bore a remarkable resemblance when I was younger. Now my mother bears a remarkable resemblance to the older version of her. I have my grandmother's art hanging in my house and her rugs on my floor, and have always been curious about who she was and how she made such a huge life change.
My grandmother Mabel was a city girl who made hats and painted and was a �spinster� at 24. My mother says she was a shy woman, who was introduced to my grandfather through mutual relatives and they got married less than 3 months later. She went from stylish woman to farm wife, raising seven girls. I like to think that she fell for my grandfather, who was quite handsome, but I also suspect that there was such a stigma to being single in the early 1900�s that she leapt at the chance to marry. Her letters, to two of her daughters who had recently moved away, are from a grounded woman who mostly embraced the farm life, writing about canning, cleaning, gardening, sewing, and selling eggs and home-made aprons for money. She reports on the activities of their small South Dakota town, and of the other sisters. Most of her letters have some reference to money, earned, spent, owed, lent. She writes in a bold and readable hand, in pencil, on folded beige paper. There are over 75 of them. I am overwhelmed. It feels like the best present ever.
HB gave his mother the �best present ever� according to her. They have had a challenging relationship and he wrote a heartfelt note in her Mother�s Day card. She told him how much she appreciated it, especially since he wasn�t very demonstrative. He called me wanting to know if that was true and I agreed that he was indeed �emotionally guarded�. He felt compelled to explain why, which was a funny conversation in that I didn't bring it up, yet it was the same subject of the main argument we have had. This time, since his mother brought it up, it was easier to talk about and was a small breakthrough conversation. Thank you HB�s mom.
9:42 p.m. - 2008-05-14
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