abigail414's diaryland diary
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Yes, I'll have some cheese with my whine.
I usually try to be cheerful or insightful or at least interesting here, but the truth is that my life is a mess. My mother fell down last night and broke her wrist and is now thinking she needs to come live near me. Damn, I�m her only child and so I have to take care of her (?!). I took care of her throughout my entire childhood, making her life seem worthwhile and now it looks like I may need to do it again.
HB�s foot was healing fine and then took a big downturn and is now infected and he�s supposed to sit with it elevated 24/7 with the cast off. We had plans for an elegant dinner for my birthday this Saturday, which has been pre-empted by his foot (which may have been precipitated by too much activity with me this past weekend). Add to that the fact he�s having a meltdown simultaneously with mine because he�s been immobile for way too long. It will either bond us or drive us apart.
My job is friggin� overwhelming. I put in 12-hour days, don�t see my beloved dog much, and don�t do what I need to take care of myself (eat right, drink water, do yoga). Instead, I come home and smoke (!) and drink a martini before I can even walk Nelly. This type of job isn�t what I went to vet school for, but explains why it was like a military school. They were trying to harden you for the real world of veterinary medicine with cranky dogs and whacko owners and multiple constant demands. I wish I had moved to Sonoma. I want to disappear there for a few weeks and get my head back on straight.
Last week I went to the funeral for one of my aunts. She was 86 and had longstanding health issues. I saw some cousins, and one of them wasn't there because he was having a nervous breakdown. His kitchen was being remodeled and he had chest pains that turned out to be due to stress/anxiety so he�s housebound. Try remodeling an entire house! Aggh.
Yes, my house continues to suck out my money while standing haunted and empty. What was I thinking taking on this project?! I haven�t paid rent on the condo I�m living in because it will take 60 days for my landlord to evict me and hopefully I�ll be gone by then.
In case I haven�t made it clear, I am spinning out. A little. One minute I�m on top of the world and the next I want to sob but don�t think I�d stop if I started. And, I'm not alone, a lot of people seem to be in the same boat. Time to walk Nelly (the world�s absolutely sweetest and most patient dog) and go to bed (to have more work-related nightmares like I have every night).
Sorry for the depressing (but honest) post.
10:04 p.m. - 2007-04-11
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