abigail414's diaryland diary
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The Vicodin 'Solution'
Being a veterinarian at a busy high-end clinic is very stressful. Meaning, lots of people want something from me simultaneously all day long. I have appointments every half hour with either a sick pet or a new puppy or yearly exam and the clients tend to be more demanding/neurotic than average, there are boarding or grooming animals that need treatment, people just walk in and want a refill on their prescription (needs doctor approval), or just walk in and want to see a doctor right away (also needs doctor approval), emergencies show up and you have to drop everything, phone calls come in that need to be returned, clients I saw a few days ago need a callback to be sure the treatment plan is working, bloodwork done the previous day needs to be reported to the owner, long term cases need thinking and research and consultation, and my colleagues occasionally want my opinion on something. The front desk staff are coming back all the time with the doctor approval items and I sense it is like Daniel walking into the lion's den for them because we are all in such an intense overdrive mode.
So, I go home after a 10+ hour day with a neck so stiff I can hardly move it. Sebastian has left his spa and I need to find him. In the interim, I try some yoga moves, a hot bath, tiger balm, vodka. But last night I took out some old Vicodin from a previous surgery and had half of one. When I had taken it before, I wondered why anyone would get addicted because it just made me dizzy and I still hurt. But, last night I found out that for stress-induced pain and anxiety, it was amazing. No pain, absolute calm, with no hangover or calories. I stopped muttering to myself and repeating conversations of the day. (Yep, I�ve been doing that a lot). It was a nice break from the uptight part of myself, and I had a peaceful night with no veterinarian-based nightmares. Today I feel better from the sleep and the break (and it is a day off).
My current stressed mental state may have to do with not having one of my prescription bio-identical hormones and using an OTC substitute, which I think may just be corn starch. (I�ve ordered all my hormones to be shipped to me ASAP). Plus, I called another shrink to see if anti-anxiety or anti-depressant drugs are in order because clearly I can be chemically contained. I just don�t want to become an addict. I have heard of veterinarians prescribing Vicodin for their �dogs� and getting caught and I have no intention of abusing my controlled substance license.
In spite of the stress, I have had some rewarding cases, still love being a veterinarian and seeing patients, and am developing a loyal clientele � half my appointments are people who have requested me. The down side is that they call me in a panic the moment their cat stops eating, and want to bring them in or at least have me hold their hand over the phone for awhile.
The combination of the above has again made me re-think working at my clinic. It is a lucrative job in a beautiful building with some nice people, and I do feel at home there at times - but there is a lot of grumbling unhappiness among the staff, and the head tech continues to assign me untrained assistants. I could work through lunch and until 9 pm and still not be caught up. So, once again I�ve applied for veterinarian positions at smaller (ie slower paced) clinics in pretty areas, and have backed off my real estate search for today - thinking perhaps finding a seasonal rental that will take dogs would be a better idea. It feels like such a bi-polar, love, hate, happy, sad roller-coaster - in flux all the time. I wish I could just commit to work through it, but if I can�t find a healthy (and non-addictive) way to handle the hot kitchen I�m working in, I'm wondering if I better get out before I burn out.
8:40 a.m. - 2006-11-07
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