abigail414's diaryland diary
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Tennessee Williams Lives On
The other morning, while looking at the 5:45 am mountains and contemplating how hard I work, how my checkbook continues to dwindle, how home projects remain unfinished, how I can't afford to take a vacation, how burned out I felt - I spilled a freshly made cup of tea on my lap. I screamed as I leapt into the pool with PJ�s on. I have serious burns � serious. I definately couldn't walk Nelly, so went to my neighbor�s house for her to play with his dog. It was probably the first time a woman showed up at his door with an icepack on her crotch. He�s gay and called me later in the day to see how my �hot pussy� was. Yep, he�s a great neighbor.
Before my self-mutilation, I was thinking that if I worked five days a week I could more easily cover my bills. A five day workweek is the national norm. However, I have 10+ hour days with very little down time and if I�m overworked I start looking at my patients without knowing their names. I find myself developing standard treatments for allergies, kennel cough, butt problems, ear or eye issues, new puppies & kittens, etc. � and am suppressing yawns in the exam room. I need to spend more time on continuing education to keep me interested in routine cases, as well as make me a better veterinarian. Occasionally I get the scary sick patient that needs lots of tests and thought and treatment. In those times, my intuition will kick in, and I think �diabetic cat� or �old dog with lymphoma� (both of which happened this week and proved to be true).
The hard case this week was euthanizing a liver failure dog that I�ve spent the past 1� years trying to keep alive. She was an extremely sweet little fluffy poodle with an emotionally fragile owner, and I needed to be supportive and stoic and also deal with 2 other clients at the same time. After seeing my therapist, I showed up at HB�s with a beer for me and a bag of cookies to share. (Even though HB is moving to LA, we seem to be getting closer and the next day was better, thanks to waking up with him.)
I've had a few interesting appointments. My first was a woman in baggy soiled clothes and floppy hat with two mutts she was flying with to New York. Like many clients in a resort area, she had a few loose screws. In truth she was a successful and eccentric artist She had a postcard from her latest show, which was in LA and in conjunction with an Andy Warhol retrospective. The back of the postcard had a 1960's photo of her topless with a fully dressed Warhol. I was looking at a 70 year old in the exam room, but once she was a hot 'superstar' member of his 'Factory Girls'. She was neurotic as hell, but of course I liked her and wish I could afford her paintings.
I also had someone come in for behavior consultation with their separation anxiety beagle. Now, that is an area I am good at and find interesting (but still suppressed yawns in the exam room, I need a vacation). I�ve read a lot about animal behavior and considered becoming a behaviorist � but it requires a lot of work on the owner�s part and that would be frustrating. We did a complete medical workup on the dog and found a heart condition, with bloodwork and urinalysis pending. I remember having chronic appendicitis and being diagnosed as �stressed�, so I never give an animal a psychological diagnosis until we rule out medical problems. The heart condition was taken into account in the treatment plan, the dog was prescribed Prozac and Xanax (temporarily), and the owner got handouts on behavior modification. The appointment put me behind for the rest of the morning, but was worth it.
For perspective, I was reading an article in the latest Oprah magazine about women who made a midlife career change, such as �publishing executive to sailor and author�. So far, these women sound content and accomplished in their second career. I'm hoping someone talks about the exhaustion of finally getting and doing what you want. As a �legislative analyst to veterinarian�, I can say that I expected a 5 year sprint to get here - when in fact it is a much longer marathon to do the job. At this point, it is clear I need to find a way to pace myself accordingly.
I know that I�m lucky compared to a lot of people on the planet. I was able to make choices to leave an unhealthy relationship, leave a climate that didn�t agree with me, and find something to do that matters. Plus, I live in a beautiful place and may be in love. But, in light of everything else going on, I recently told my friend Randy that �This is all too overwhelming, I don�t think I can do it� � which made him laugh, especially when he said it while lying on a couch with the back of his hand on his forehead (like a wilting female in a Tennessee Williams play).
Time for bed. Summer mornings start early in the desert.
10:18 p.m. - 2007-08-16
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