abigail414's diaryland diary
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Sweet Sebastian
Friday night I paid a beautiful Colombian man $100 to touch me lovingly.
Sebastian is a massage therapist - from L.A. but with Colombian parents and told me stories of living there for awhile. His massages are exquisite, and the best part is that it feels like he enjoys giving them as much as I do receiving them. I thought he was gay, but a mutual friend intimated otherwise. When you thank him he says �my pleasure� in a genuine way, with his slight Colombian accent. (Remember the Folger's coffee guy?) He is good at deep tissue work, but isn�t afraid of long caressing strokes or nudity or spending time working on my feet. Oh I wish a lover could take lessons from these guys.
Or, better yet, he could be my lover! After all, he loves horses, cats, dogs, has a great accent, gorgeous eyes and smile, and gives a damn good rub. All great starting points. Plus, I make him laugh a surprised lilting laugh. Aahh. I would never tell him to his face that I have a crush on him, because it is most likely not reciprocated (I may be twice his age) - and would make future massages awkward.
We did talk about my aborted attempts at dating (I almost dated a guy recently, but cancelled due to lack of interest on my part). He wanted to know what my type of guy was and I wanted to say 'YOU', but instead said �someone who wouldn�t be intimidated by me�. He said �oh, a "special opps" guy�. We both laughed, but in a way that is true. I am a force to be reckoned with, and if you�re easily bruised (especially if you don�t say �ouch� and instead brood about it) I am SO not the person for you. Ask anyone who has spent time with me - I am a strong personality.
But I would like sweetness in a relationship. I see it at work on occasion. There is an older couple who always come in together, with their medical disaster of a dog, and they hold hands and defer kindly to each other. I suspect that in order to have a sweet relationship, I need to let go of some of the bitterness and jadedness from my interpretation of life experiences - underneath it all I can be a seriously pissed off bitch and it leaks out. Can that be loved out of me? I don�t know. Maybe kickboxing on Tuesday and Thursday nights is a better idea.
My time with Sebastian is sweet. I�m willing to work an extra few hours to be able to legally pay someone to soothe my sore muscles and caress me as if I was a beautiful and loveworthy woman. If I could afford a massage every other week (like in Michigan, where they are only $60) maybe I could develop my sweetness faster. Or I could find someone cheaper than Sebastian. But damn that man is beautiful!
11:26 p.m. - 2006-09-01
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